Twenty-Something Rambling

I was never told how hard my twenties would be. Growing up it was always focused on how to get through middle school and high school...but what about college? What about that final year when every decision feels like life or death? The most horrid sentence that rings through my ear on a weekly basis brings anxiety, stress and confusion in every part of my being, "what are you going to do after you graduate?" What might be even worse is the looks on peoples faces and their non-verbal gestures when I tell them "I don't know." I don't know what I am going to do. I don't know what I want to do. Yes, I have a degree  but...will I use it? Maybe, maybe not. The only thing I do know right now, is that, I am confused. I am hurting. I am struggling. I am uncertain, and uncertainty may be the hardest place I have ever been in. The best thing is that I know I am not alone. And neither are you my twenty-something friend.

You see we have some things in common. We have dreams that probably don't involve anything with what he have studied or what's written on that printed out sheet of paper that might one day get hung up. But we have dreams. I dream of living near a beach and spending my days off digging my toes into the warm sand and smelling the salt in the air. I dream of sitting on a porch in the mountains, sipping on a cup of perfectly portioned out coffee in my favorite mug listening to the critters run free and maybe some Adele in the background. My biggest dream though, is to see lives changed. I want to see people on their knees crying out to God in awe of His goodness. I want to see people who have never heard the name Jesus or heard of the Bible to fall in love with the same God that has told me he loves me and called me his daughter. As a twenty-something...this seems natural. I have done the classes, done the time, now I am supposed to go out and change the world...right? At least that's what I am expected to do.

We are constantly being told that our generation is the generation that will change the world, that we will solve poverty, hunger and everything bad in the world. Here's the thing, I fully believe our generation is a generation unlike any other. However, when we are told the expectations but don't quite make them, in our minds and our hearts we have utterly failed. We have not only failed at one thing...we have failed at everything. Between friends, family, bosses, co-workers, we have failed them all because we couldn't fulfill their expectations. Instead of telling us who we are supposed to be, why not show us. Don't just tell me the things that I need to do, come along side of me and lead me in the right direction so that when I do feel like I failed the world, be there to tell me the world is not ending. Be there to tell me that what I have done is good. Be there to tell me you are proud of me for trying, because if you don't I may never try again. This age is hard, and I am trying the best of my abilities to figure it out. Please stop judging me for not knowing, stop judging me for my clothes, music choices and everything else you may not agree with. Support me and walk with me, teach me not judge me, show me grace and show me tough love. We are here and longing for direction and guidance, we may seem like we have it figured out but don't trust the fake smile when I say "I'm good" there are things so much deeper, I'm just waiting to see if you care.