Have you ever had those days when all you want to do is stay in bed surrounded by blankets, pillows, junk food, and that simple coping mechanism that brings you to a different reality (a.k.a Netflix, Hulu, HBO, etc.)? I haven't had that urge in a while, until today. Today was different. Today I just wanted to lay there, I just wanted to stare into a screen and forget about life. Just for a second. I think we have all had days like this. Days when life just seems too hard to manage and to deal with. I've realized that the times I've felt like this have usually fallen on a specific date or remembrance of something significant. Today was no different. I woke up to see the date and recognized today should have been something really special, something I used to dream about and fantasize over. However, like most things, God's plan won over mine.
It's sometimes really hard to understand why things end, why things disappear, get lost, or turn sour. And then God opens our eyes to the things hidden behind the walls we build. You see I am a passionate person, whether it be with Jesus, my job, friends, the Athletics, or life in general. With most things in life though, this has its pro's and con's. I share a love/hate relationship with passion, it's gotten me into trouble but also into blessings. This morning I woke up with zero passion in my heart, this morning I woke to God restoring that passion.
"Get up, darling."
"No, I can't, my heart is hurting."
"Get up, darling, I have something for you."
"God I am angry, hurt, confused, frustrated, tired."
"I know, get up, darling."
This was my conversation with God this morning. It wasn't even 9:00 am and I was done with today. But then, things begin to happen. It amazes me how simple little things like the laughter of a baby, your favorite drink, and a cancelled meeting can immediately turn a piece of your heart. Okay God, I see you.
Then more begins to happen. I had a meeting with with some fellow youth directors in the Bay Area, who have been trying to connect and build a community in the Peninsula. Have you ever had a conversation with someone and realize that you have had the exact same dream and then realize that God is so much bigger than you can ever imagine. Yeah, that happened. When dreams are in the process of becoming reality, you have two choices, be apart of the action or watch from the sidelines.
My heart is still heavy, and my mind may not be all there right now, but I'm slowly learning why this day was taken from me. Why this day didn't actually happen. My heart still wanders off into the 'what if' realm and the 'maybe one day' sphere but for right now, God has called me into action in this place, in this time of my life. I can truly say, if today had actually happened, I don't know if this passion would be there or if I would even follow it. Maybe one day this event will happen but for right now God is saying "Get up, darling, it's time to put that passion into work."
Where is God calling you to "Get up" in life right now? Where is it you are seeing God make your dreams into realities?
From one human to the next,