Fear has been my suitcase since before I can remember, I have always carried it around, and as I've gotten older, it's become heavier. As a kid that suitcase was filled with fears like snakes, spiders, heights, things that I eventually conquered and was able to remove from my suitcase and leave on the baggage claim. It seems however, as I dumped one, I gained two. This isn't uncommon for myself or even you too for that matter, but fear is something we all deal with.Read More
I just finished my last ever fall semester as an undergraduate student. To some, their first thoughts might be... "YES! Finally, a break."
"All I'm going to do is sleep, watch Netflix and eat."
However, here are my thoughts...
"I have to graduate next semester, I haven't learned anything. How am I supposed to get a job...like a real job."
"If I fail all my classes, I'll have to stay in school, and then I won't have to start paying off my loans either, it's brilliant."
Now, I know what you are thinking. "Stop acting crazy, it's going to be fine. You have learned things and you will be ready." In my mind though, fear has it's hands grasping at every thought. I don't do well when it comes to uncertainty and change. The funny thing is that for most of my life, the theme has been uncertainty. Growing up, I never knew what I would be coming home too, I didn't know if I would have friends at school certain days, and I didn't know why I was even living most days. As you grow older, uncertainty tends to grow bigger. In a matter of hours I could have a new apartment or I could be back out on the hunt. I could put in a hundred applications for jobs I care less about or put in a couple for ones I care most about. I can enjoy the crazy wonderful weirdness of being in a relationship or I could end it and go back to the secured independence of singleness. Life is full of uncertainty and it takes a great deal of vulnerability to help get through those times.
When we begin to release vulnerability, we become uncomfortable, and stepping out of comfort is one of the most courageous things you can do.
Uncertainty is uncomfortable.
Being uncomfortable means you are growing.
When we stop playing it safe and we fully give in to the uncertainty that life may hold, walls begin to break and truth enters the soul.
I had the privilege to FaceTime with a friend who is very near and dear to my heart the other day. She is the type of person that I am proud to say I look up to in more ways than one and I doubt she will ever really know the extent to which she has helped me grow closer to God and learn to love myself. We were talking and as I was casually explaining the fears of having to figure my life out in a matter of months, she calmly just says, "No you don't...you don't have to figure out what you are going to do with the rest of your life, you just have to figure out what's next." In those two words, life looked a little different, it looked a little bit more manageable. I suddenly wasn't as afraid of the uncertainty, I became more excited about what could be next. I love the quote that says, "If you want to make God laugh, show him your plans." I'm pretty sure I could be a jester in God's court by how much I probably make him laugh. So instead of me trying to plan, I'm asking God what's next and letting him do the work.
As for today, I will keep on praying for doors to be opened and doors to be closed. I will pray for wisdom and I will pray for courage. And to those who are feeling stuck in the same boat...
What's next for you?
From one human to the next,